Lord Jesus Christ, Have Mercy on Me

Father Paul also talked to us about praying. He admitted that up until a couple of years ago, he hated praying. He did it, but mostly to check off boxes. In Orthodoxy (and this is true also in Catholicism and the Episcopal church, to certain degrees-- I don't know about other traditions as much, but it's been a pretty new concept to us), you follow a Prayer "Rule." Usually given to you by your priest. But it usually involves saying prayers that are ancient, and that you either memorize or read from a prayer book. We say the same prayers every morning and every evening. I should probably say the Midday prayers somehow at work or at least on the weekends, but I don't. There are also prayers for grace, and we sort of do a modification of that. But you can also say the Jesus Prayer: Lord Jesus Christ, Have Mercy on Me. Variations of that are: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, Have Mercy on Me, a Sinner. I learned, also, recently, that you you can use the Jesus Prayer to pray for other people: "Lord Jesus Christ, Have mercy on your servant _____." So, when I'm by myself in the car now, I'll pray for other people with the Jesus Prayer, using that method.

But Father Paul told us that he prepares for prayer by reading something inspirational-- usually about a saint or about prayer specifically. Then he does some cleansing breathing to relax himself so that he's relaxed to pray and not feeling tense. And he said that he used to sort of hurl prayers at Christ. Lord Jesus Christ, HAVE MERCY ON ME! And sort of expect God to just fix him. But then it occurred to him that he was shouting at God all the time, and God doesn't actually need our prayers. We don't pray to assuage God's ego. We don't pray because we're to interesting that God craves our company or companionship. We pray because that is one of the ways we can invite God to talk to *us.* So that we can *listen.* So, if we view prayer as an invitation for God to enter us, for us to interact and be in communion with God, then we can view our prayer time as a time to spend time with Christ instead of as an obligation or something we are doing because we think somehow hearing the same words over and over again makes God super happy. I usually *don't* make time to listen to God. I say the prayers though, and not because I'm supposed to. After all, I made the decision to return to the Orthodox Church and to participate in this life. I do it because I want to feel closer to God, and because I want to start and end my day by focusing on God and remembering Him and by making Him the center of my life. But I sort of have to start making time to listen also.

We had a great time tonight at the church All Saints Eve party. I spent almost the whole evening holding a sweet four-or-five-month old baby. He fell asleep in my arms again (he did Sunday as well), even though the noise was deafening.

Even though we had a great time, we got some sober news from the neighbors tonight. Their baby Imogen saw the doctor today and she has a tumor in her eye. We are absolutely gobsmacked. She has a rare form of cancer. I found out on Facebook because Katie's mom started a Go Fund Me for them. When we got home, they were literally sitting in the dark crying on their porch and smoking cigarettes. Fortunately, the dr told them that babies in America don't usually die from this type of cancer. It's very localized-- her other eye is perfect and healthy. They had to put her under anesthesia to examine her eye, and the anesthesiologist told them, "It's probably cancer," the JERK. This was before the dr had even fully examined her. They did an ultrasound that showed "seeds" also. That's a problem. One course of treatment is to send them to Phoenix for a specialized course of chemo to shrink the tumor. But that would shrink the seeds. The other alternative is to remove her eye and just get all the cancer. Another but: they are doing an MRI on Saturday and that will tell them how far it's progressed and whether it has spread. I'm going to go with them for that. It's all so surreal. Grayden is leaning toward the surgery, but Katie wants more information.This is the type of thing that changes people. The baby isn't even two. Two years ago today, they had the ultrasound that told them they were having a girl. Tomorrow is Katie's birthday.

Lord, have mercy on your servant Imogen.