At the Foot of the Stairs

Last night, I was ready to go to bed after watching House . But John texted me and asked if I wanted to hang out. Then Heather called and without violating either of their privacy, it was clear that they both sort of needed to hang out a bit last night, so I told them to come on over. Two other people joined us, and Dereck, so we all hung out and ended up toasting my birthday at midnight. I went to bed finally at 1:00 a.m. I got up at 3:00 a.m. to test Christian's sugar. I got up at 6:00 a.m. and went to his bedroom to test his sugar before having him leave his warm covers for his shot and then his bath before breakfast. (He eats 1/2 hour after his insulin shot, and he is not supposed to go back to sleep in that time). While I was in my bathrobe in Christian's room, I heard my friend Chris's voice in the kitchen, talking to Sam. I thought, "Why is Chris in my kitchen at 6:00 a.m.?" By the time I went in to find out, Chris was gone and had left: A full thermos of c...

In spite of my Wellbutrin and going to bed at a reasonable time last night, I feel tired today. Like, I should get up and go get the list of Christian's blood sugars from the weekend and update the computer form, but I don't want to go to the effort. Days like this are almost never productive. With one notable exception, it has been an exhausting four days. First Tommy got a fever, and then Christian did. And fevers will never be the same in this house again. Fevers cause blood sugars to spike. And when that happens, you have to introduce urine testing for ketones and additional insulin into the mix. Giving Christian additional insulin makes me very nervous. I hate it. He stayed home from school Thursday with Tommy (both had fevers). Then, Tommy's went away, and Christian's got higher. Friday morning, it was 102.6 and he complained of chest pain. When his blood sugar gets high, he gets paler, until he gets the flush of fever which is too bright, two red stains on his ch...

Today was better... but weird. It's like yesterday there was a huge earthquake, and so today I was just sort of wading through the tremors. The silence was deafening. Sorry I can't be more specific. But you know how it is. I went for a walk with a friend tonight to catch up and it took me AN HOUR just to tell her about YESTERDAY. By the end of it, she was slightly in tears on my behalf. I do sort of feel like I must have a bull's eye on my forehead lately. But, things will work out. How will they? I don't know yet. (Sorry, a little Shakespeare in Love for you.) That's about all I've got. Except that Tommy and Christian both have fevers (Christian's is very low, but now I have to practice due diligence), so I may have two kids home tomorrow. Sam is a little miffed that his temperature is normal. I can't say I blame him, but I'm glad somebody is healthy.

Today was a no-good, terrible, awful day. And I mean that for me. No other members of my family are represented by that statement, though Christian had his lowest low at school today-- and it was a half hour AFTER his morning snack! And he has had the same breakfast and snack with me that he had all of last week. So, I am a bit baffled. But, he had a glucose tab, then some milk, retested a half hour later, and he was fine. I appreciated the school nurse calling. Back to me (because although I find Christian's diabetes interesting, I am not sure I want this to become Christian's Juvenile Diabetes Blog ). The day was intense, stressful, and long. But at least, thanks to my Wellbutrin , I got to stay awake for all of it. Yay me. I can't write about why it was bad. Let's just say that I'll live, it wasn't tragic, and everything will be okay. One of the things I do, one of my callings right now, is to drive my friend John around town. He lives near me, and due to a s...

I just came out to the studio to work because this is where my laptop has been living. And by work, I mean blog. And by "where my laptop has been living," I mean that I can smoke out here. You'll be happy and proud of me to know that I went to my doctor on Friday, FINALLY. I had made the appointment at the same time I wanted to have Christian checked out for an ear infection... Well, I think we all know how well that turned out (on the plus side, they did cure the ear infection in one night, with a single, IV dose of anti-biotics). So, I walked in with my list and said, "Please keep in mind, I made this appointment BEFORE what happened with Christian, so let's just keep that out of the equation for now." I was nearly sure that he would tell me that my fatigue was caused by going to bed too late and then having my sleep interrupted by driving kids to school and my subsequent returns to bed. But when I asked about that, he started shaking his head almost immed...

I am sending this as a group letter because I have a cold and fever and I want you all to have this information-- I just don't want to type it out a million times or talk on the phone more than I have to. I just wanted to let you know how Chris's school day is going (I just talked to the nurse). We brought in a jar of peanut butter for his snack so he can dip his pretzels (and the nurse bought a loaf of bread in case he has a low), his lunch with his turkey sandwich on a frozen pack, teddy grahams, grapes, and he is having chocolate milk for lunch. We also made sure that all of his teachers have glucose tabs in the classroom, and they gave him an index card to hold up saying, "I need glucose," and he has another one with our information and the fact that he has diabetes and his name. Apparently, he had a low at 11:30. He didn't hesitate; even though there was a substitute teacher in the classroom, the sub gave him a glucose tab and when they tested him, he was at ...

I am sorry for no updates once we got home! I have a fever, a really stuffy nose, a sore throat and chills. Christian has pink cheeks, a good appetite, a good attitude, and good blood sugar levels. We are all following the diet, and so far only Tommy doesn't seem to get enough to eat from it, so of course, I let him eat more. (Okay, I admit-- I am hungrier on the diet too, but I know I'll get over it). I am getting ready to hit the sack, but I just wanted to check in. I will leave you with this link that my dad sent to me today. Turn up your volume . Seriously, you should watch this.

Slowly, the onion layers of change are peeling away and revealing new, inner, shiny parts of themselves to me. Some of our friends came to visit tonight. I suspected Christian was tired and wanted him to go to bed. Dereck took our friends down the hall to a conference room to chat, and I couldn't bring myself to leave Christian alone in his hospital bed in the dark. I sat with him until his breathing fell into a steady rhythm, but even just going down the hall felt far away. Chris has been sitting in my arms on the bed while we watch movies, and it moves me that I still have the power to make it all better. Even if that isn't really true, he still believes it. He did admit one fear to me tonight though: He is reluctant to leave the hospital. (First he asked me what the word reluctant meant. Then he used it.) At the hospital, he feels safe: They are on top of his insulin, his meals, his blood sugar checks. I've given him one shot of insulin and checked his blood sugar one ti...

I found out today how I am handling things in a rather unexpected way. I mean, I have felt fine. And last night, after I grew a pair, I got a good night's sleep. After Christian's midnight snack, I crawled into the empty bed and slept. In fact, I completely slept through Christian's breakfast, and woke at 8 a.m. when our dietitian came in to talk to Chris. Christian and I went and used the bathing room and I put up a curtain between us. (It's a huge room, with a separate tub and shower, so we had complete privacy). He bathed while I showered, and we were ready at 9 a.m. when his dad and brothers and Dereck got here for our education. Let me also say that 1) Everyone is getting along extremely well; and 2) Tommy and Sam are taking this like champs. They have been cooperative, tender, and well-behaved and attentive during all of the education. We all sit around a little table. Sam is like a sponge, absorbing everything. He is already trying to figure out how to bind insul...

From what I can tell, having juvenile diabetes in today's world is not unlike having a free, lifetime membership to Weight Watchers.

Last night, I texted two friends (who would get and appreciate this): "Trying to decide which is worse: Gay sex, or sleeping in this chair." One of them is gay, incidentally, and I have no problem with gay sex. It's a comment based on something we say often-- probably not translating well here, but there it is. This blog is also a journal for me. One texted back almost immediately (1:53 a.m.): "The chair." John told me yesterday that I should enjoy the learning and ask as many questions as possible, but I should also freely make fun of people. In that light, I will say that when I met the diabetes team leader, who was perky and skinny and tan, while I was sitting, bleary-eyed, in my pajamas, I mentioned that my knowledge of diabetes was almost completely academic. She asked me if I worked in academia. Seriously?

Christian is enjoying his breakfast of cornflakes, milk, and apple juice. He has twice as much liquid as solid. He has to pee into this plastic tub in the bathroom, and they keep track of everything going in and out. Last night after he fell asleep, the nurse showed me the shower room, the nutrition room (from which I took a milk in the futile hopes that it would help me sleep), and told me about the Ronald McDonald room. I guess they might have a tad better sleeping arrangements there than this foldout chair that I have. I called maintenance to have the room temperature lowered just two degrees. It makes a difference. After thrashing around on the chair, I spied a Mommy-sized space on Christian's bed, so I climbed in with him and was finally able to sleep. Until they woke him up to pee at 5:30 and gave him an insulin shot. And then woke him at 6:00 for breakfast. He asked where my breakfast was, and I laughed and told him that I'm on my own. I'll find something later. Righ...

I don't yet have a title for this post. A night to remember? Too corny? I could KICK myself for not seeing that Christian's symptoms pointed to Juvenile Diabetes. He drinks a lot and pees often. I know that this can mean diabetes. So, why did other explanations always seem plausible? This actually started last night, with a discussion I had with Sam. I don't really want to get into that here right now, but it resulted in my deciding he could stay home today. Take a mental health day. Let's just say that in some ways, he really does take after his mother. So, this morning when Christian told me he had an ear ache and had felt faint in the tub, I wasn't inclined to keep him home. I told him that if you stand up quickly after being in hot water, you will feel faint. This in spite of his saying he had felt faint when he got up to use the bathroom last weekend. I took his temperature. No fever. I told him to go see the school nurse, and if she said he looked like he had ...

As it so often happens in this business, suddenly work and clients are pouring in. I stopped typing for a minute to find wood to knock on. I settled for the metal locker in my studio because that was the closest thing, and it's the thought that counts. This Monday morning, I am sitting wearily in my studio waiting for a phone call. I am also sitting here with Chris, and we are drinking coffee and watching Lost . Not that we have given up on House , of course. We are simply branching out. Friday, I finished some work I had had, and today I need to do more. But right now, I'm too sleepy to do anything but type a few thoughts and drink my coffee and, well, a cigarette or two won't hurt... On Friday night, I had a headache so I stayed home. Dereck had gone out for dinner with a thesis committee he was on. While I was at home watching House with Chris (I made him watch the season finale of Season 4, which is awesome), my friend Jamie called. Jamie is a poe t. He and his wife Ka...