At the Foot of the Stairs

I just ordered a lava cake for Darren and I to share. We stepped out onto the porch for a smoke after. The sky is full of clouds and it feels like they are full of snow. They are hanging low in the sky and look like white smoke. It's pretty, but we're supposed to get 1-3 inches of snow tomorrow.  We had a good meeting with our priest this afternoon.  We saw Michael the homeless man in the parking lot and walked over to 7-11 and got him a cheeseburger and some chimichangas and a pack of smokes. It's getting colder and I am wondering where he is sleeping. There is a cold, metal balcony above the parking lot that we've seen his sleeping bag in-- which is good because there are rats in the parking lot. But I think if he slept outside this week he could freeze to death. Father Paul gave us what he calls, "The Talk." He started with how Orthodoxy differs from Protestantism, some of which we already knew  He told us that the Orthodox view of sin is that we turn away

I should have been writing about this all along on our journey. One of the ways we figure out what we want or need, obviously, is to learn what we don't want or need or like. Darren grew up in the evangelical world, so he was more comfortable in it than I was. I didn't like the worship music. I applaud singing as a form of worship, but singing about how God is a "good dad" just offended me. I also didn't like seeing preachers with their arms outstretched telling God how "You are so worthy of being praised." That offended me too. Because it seems patronizing-- you don't get to tell God He's worthy because that suggests that you could possibly tell Him He were unworthy. Another thing I don't like about evangelical services is people raising their arms in the air during the cheesy worship music. It just smacks of effort-- like they're trying too hard. But maybe I've just never felt like raising my arms in the air to music. I just

Because we didn't know very much about Orthodoxy, we set out to learn. And we were living in a small town in Utah at the time. The closest Orthodox parish was about two hours from us. I reached out and contacted the priest (who lived in Idaho at the time) and started asking him some questions. I pulled from boxes the books on Orthodoxy I had bought years before when I had first started collecting icons. And we turned, of course, to social media. Here are some of the first videos I remember us watching together: The Jesus Prayer Learning to Pray Confronting the Fire of God's Love-- Fr Barnabas Powell Orthodox Boot Camp, Session 1: Fr Barnabas Powell Orthodox Boot Camp, Session 2: Fr Barnabas Powell Orthodox view of Salvation   to this day, this video has probably had one of the most profound impacts on how I view God. While we had been attending our Bible Study, we had been discussing theology with people from a primarily Baptist background, which was consistent w

10/7/19 In about 2004, I discovered Orthodox Christian icons in the form of a calendar. At the time I had no idea what they were. I was just dumbstruck by their beauty and drawn to them. I started by taking images from the calendar and putting them up on my dining room wall in a frame. Then, I started buying icons on Ebay. Then I found out that a friend of mine was Orthodox, and she would take my icons with her 90 miles to her parish and have them blessed on the altar. I put them in the windows of my dining room. Icons are the windows into heaven. I didn't know that at the time, but later I appreciated my instinct to put them in the windows. Mostly, I just didn't have anything to affix them to the walls with, so that seemed the easiest way to display them.  I was raised in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (The Mormons). I can't really say that that was because of my parents, either, as they were inactive until I basically dragged them back to church. 

10/2/19 It’s funny because I took this list home and read it out loud to Darren last week, and we kind of chuckled over it. We were like, “Really? This seemed like a huge deal? This was insurmountable?” Because I wouldn’t say that any of these things are problems for either of us now. One thing that is very different this time from all of the others is that Darren is really leading the charge on this. All of his hesitation is gone. He keeps saying, “I would be baptized tomorrow.” His plan is for us to be baptized at Pascha (Easter, which is a week later than Easter in the West). Yesterday morning, he led prayers in front of the Icons. We are easing our way into Orthodox practice this time. We say prayers in bed or the car sometimes. Though, when I was at church for the first time after going back, during liturgy, I realized why we pray in front of the icons at home. Because we stand and pray in front of icons at church. In fact, there are icons in front of us and painted

9/25/19 Here is a list of the reasons I wrote to my son when we left Orthodoxy a year and a half ago. I’ll use this as a starting point.   1)        The Church says it isn’t legalistic—but there is the fasting. And you’re supposed to pray twice a day at home—reading prayers from a prayer book. And Saturday, the priest said at Catechumen class that if we went to another church’s service—a baptism, for example—we they would be committing spiritual adultery. And if we went to a non-Orthodox funeral, we were to stand in the back and repeat the Jesus Prayer (they wear prayer beads and repeat this prayer to focus their minds: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, Have mercy on me, a sinner). That’s pretty controlling. And Darren has had very bad experiences with religion in his childhood, so control doesn’t sit well with him at all. It actually triggers trauma. 2)        There is a heavy emphasis on venerating (kissing) icons (pictures of saints) in and out of church. They want you to pray