The Longest Day

Nope, haven't quit the Internets. Haven't quit blogging either. When I slow down in content here, it's a safe bet that my writing energies are focused elsewhere. They have been last week, so I have found that writing to be engaging enough that I haven't really needed another forum or outlet for it-- sorry! I have been having some interesting conversations about truth and honesty lately, also happiness and intelligence. I imagine that some people would argue that if you are truly intelligent, you would find the answer to happiness. But the only people I can really imagine saying that are sage, white-haired movie protagonists. Most of the people I know struggle with it. We compare anti-depressant prescriptions. We speak rather matter-of-factly about our depression and the ongoing role it plays in our lives. We wonder whether happiness itself is possible or over rated or why it remains so elusive to *us.*

One concept I have been introduced to recently comes from Brad Blanton and his philosophy of Radical Honesty. Not a big fan of Brad. I think Radical Honesty as a movement has far too many similarities to Mormonism in its fans' testimonies, and also the Charismatic Leader. But I admit that he has some interesting things to say. One of them is that there are differences between the actual experiences we have an in the stories we tell ourselves about those experiences. And it is possible to get lost in those stories, or to have them create negative cycles and spirals for us. I remember that right after my grandmother died, I started obsessing about my mother and her dementia. I couldn't stop thinking about my regrets about times I'd lost patience with her, worries about her asking for promises that I would never move her to a nursing home (I have never made such promises, and won't), etc. I finally went to my doctor and told him I thought I was depressed. I told him what was going on. He said, "You're not depressed. You're looping. You are trapped in useless thought patterns about things beyond your control. Stop it."

So, I did. It really was almost as easy as that. I stopped telling myself those stories and was able to get back to my life.

I have to pause. I am on my new computer, a Dell, and the keyboard is driving me batshit crazy. I have been trying to adjust the settings so it stops opening other windows every five keystrokes, but it's continuing to do so, so I have to stop, close the other windows, or hit undo when everything gets selected and deleted. I have never had a computer behave like this before.

If this continues, I am sending it back to Dell tomorrow. Grrr