What in hell is happening in the cosmos this week? It seems ridiculous to complain, given the utter decimation in Haiti. But globally, among so many people I know in varying geographical locations, this week has been atrocious, if not downright scarring. I hope I'm not scarred-- but I feel like my world has been rocked to its core (again), and I really don't like this feeling. For one thing, it makes me sweat constantly. Sweaty palms make it hard to type, and then there's having to change clothes and bathe a lot.
It also fucks with my sleep.
I mean, there was a ten-minute period of stress on Wednesday night that still makes me want to burst into tears with its intensity. Not to mention the two hours of stress Monday night, added to the 13 hours of pure hell between Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday morning.
I'm not sorry to be vague though. I can't talk about my own stuff, and I can't talk about my friends' stuff. Oh, well, I mean I could. I have choices. I could totally sign up for a trainwreck blog, and believe me. BELIEVE ME, I could have a huge following. That is how nutty and interesting and just plain bat shit crazy things are. And sometimes it's incredibly tempting, in a really self-destructive way. Fortunately, I smoke, so that angle is covered. But one of the things I hate about this week, about periods of my life like this, is that they make me feel tainted and stained and like this misfortune is contagious or my fault or deserved. And none of these things is true.
But I had a ping from a friend on Facebook the other morning when I woke up that said, "What the hell? Everything is imploding this week at once."
The sky, Chicken Little, is falling.
You know what really pisses me off? When my rational mind tries to have conversations with me (like it did during my post On Relationships). My rational mind says, "What's the trouble? You have adrenalin spikes, you sweat a lot, you cry a lot, but ultimately, the sun comes up, you get up, you drink coffee, you work, you eat and drink, you take care of your family, and then you go to bed. What exactly has changed? What are you going on about?"
And so, I have something I would like to say to my rational self today.