Monday, December 13, 2004

Pre-Inaugural to-do list!

I don't have pneumonia or bronchitis-- I'm half-way through an upper respiratory infection and should be good as new by next week, in time to drive for two days with three kids...

Things to do before the January 20, 2005 Inaugural. Better get crackin,'

there's not much time left!!

1. Get that abortion you've always wanted.

2. Drink a nice clean glass of water.

3. Cash your Social Security check.

4. See a doctor of your own choosing.

5. Spend quality time with your draft age child/grandchild.

6. Visit Syria--or any foreign country, for that matter.

7. Get that gas mask you've been putting off buying.

8. Hoard gasoline.

9. Borrow books from the library before they're banned: Constitutional law

books, Catcher in the Rye, Harry Potter, Tropic of Cancer, etc.

10. If you have an idea for an art piece involving a crucifix, do it now.

11. Come out. Then go back in. HURRY!

12. Jam in all the Alzheimer's stem cell research you can.

13. Stay out late before the curfews start.

14. Go see Bruce Springsteen before he has his "accident".

15. Go see Mount Rushmore before the Reagan addition.

16. Use the phrase "You can't do that, this is America!"

17. If you're white, marry a black person. If you're black, marry a white


18. Take a walk in Yosemite without being hit by a snowmobile or a


19. Enroll your kid in an accelerated art or music class.

20. Start your school day without a prayer.

21. Pass on the secrets of evolution to future generations.

22. Learn French.

23. Attend a commitment ceremony with your gay friends.

24. Take a factory tour anywhere in the U.S.

25. Try to take photographs of animals on the endangered species list.

26. Visit Florida before the polar ice caps melt.

27. Visit Nevada before it becomes radioactive.

28. Visit Alaska before "The Big Spill".

29. Visit Massachusetts while it's still a State.

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