Douchebaggery
I am so irritated that I even feel the need to respond to this. I let it go for a couple of hours, hoping it would go away, but it didn't, so here I am.
I objected to this story when I saw it posted on Facebook for two reasons:
1)The utter and complete douchebaggery of the man who decided he needed to tout this on his very popular website. it is the worst kind of rhetoric: Hey, in the pretense of saying that this is a controversial issue that needs to be commented on, I will disseminate this misogynistic bullshit!
2)It's misogynist. And every time the hatred of women is perpetuated, particularly by other women, it pushes my buttons.
I don't care if you are tripped out on ecstasy, dancing naked on a table in a room full of fraternity boys who have been drinking from a keg of beer and shown porn for three hours. That does not excuse them for rape, and you are not to blame for their crimes.
But if only that baby hadn't cried so much, that adult wouldn't have gotten so angry that they HAD to hit it.
Well, if you hadn't gone to New York City in the first place, that mugger wouldn't have been irretrievably tempted to mug you!
And for God's sake, stop breathing. It is going to lead to your eventual death.
Let's say it again, folks, because apparently we have not yet learned this: Rape is rape. It is not a crime borne of horniness. It is about power, control, anger, domination, and hatred of women. It is ridiculous to say that a naked woman in a bed made a man so uncontrollably horny that he *had* to rape her. That she asked for it by being there. There is one way women ask for sex, and that is by asking for sex. And we are, in fact, allowed to change our minds no matter how many inches are inserted.
For one thing, if you have ever watched a movie, read a book, listened to a song, or met a guy, you know that pretty much everything turns them on. Pretty much constantly.
"Breast."
"Pussy."
"I want to suck your cock."
Do I deserve to be raped for writing those words on a website? No.
Despite raging male hormones, thankfully, most men don't use their biology as an excuse to violate women.
But let's turn the tables for a minute, ladies who think that women should be blamed for being raped:
How many men do you think should accept responsibility for being sodomized because they were drunk or naked? Even just a little bit of sodomy? Because we all know that men wouldn't ever be naked or drunk in a fraternity house unless you really wanted to be sodomized. Because all men really want it. And if they say no, well, they are lying. And besides, they had the audacity to tempt that other horny man.
For God's sake, when can we finally put the notion that horniness excuses ANYTHING to bed? And when, oh when, women, will you stop hating other women?
/end rant.
Edited to add these handy Sexual Assault Prevention Tips (With thanks to Kat, who linked to them, and to Melissa who suggested I follow the link).
Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!
1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.
2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!
3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!
4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.
5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!
6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.
7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.
8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.
9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!
10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.
And, ALWAYS REMEMBER: if you didn’t ask permission and then respect the answer the first time, you are commiting a crime- no matter how “into it” others appear to be.
I objected to this story when I saw it posted on Facebook for two reasons:
1)The utter and complete douchebaggery of the man who decided he needed to tout this on his very popular website. it is the worst kind of rhetoric: Hey, in the pretense of saying that this is a controversial issue that needs to be commented on, I will disseminate this misogynistic bullshit!
2)It's misogynist. And every time the hatred of women is perpetuated, particularly by other women, it pushes my buttons.
I don't care if you are tripped out on ecstasy, dancing naked on a table in a room full of fraternity boys who have been drinking from a keg of beer and shown porn for three hours. That does not excuse them for rape, and you are not to blame for their crimes.
But if only that baby hadn't cried so much, that adult wouldn't have gotten so angry that they HAD to hit it.
Well, if you hadn't gone to New York City in the first place, that mugger wouldn't have been irretrievably tempted to mug you!
And for God's sake, stop breathing. It is going to lead to your eventual death.
Let's say it again, folks, because apparently we have not yet learned this: Rape is rape. It is not a crime borne of horniness. It is about power, control, anger, domination, and hatred of women. It is ridiculous to say that a naked woman in a bed made a man so uncontrollably horny that he *had* to rape her. That she asked for it by being there. There is one way women ask for sex, and that is by asking for sex. And we are, in fact, allowed to change our minds no matter how many inches are inserted.
For one thing, if you have ever watched a movie, read a book, listened to a song, or met a guy, you know that pretty much everything turns them on. Pretty much constantly.
"Breast."
"Pussy."
"I want to suck your cock."
Do I deserve to be raped for writing those words on a website? No.
Despite raging male hormones, thankfully, most men don't use their biology as an excuse to violate women.
But let's turn the tables for a minute, ladies who think that women should be blamed for being raped:
How many men do you think should accept responsibility for being sodomized because they were drunk or naked? Even just a little bit of sodomy? Because we all know that men wouldn't ever be naked or drunk in a fraternity house unless you really wanted to be sodomized. Because all men really want it. And if they say no, well, they are lying. And besides, they had the audacity to tempt that other horny man.
For God's sake, when can we finally put the notion that horniness excuses ANYTHING to bed? And when, oh when, women, will you stop hating other women?
/end rant.
Edited to add these handy Sexual Assault Prevention Tips (With thanks to Kat, who linked to them, and to Melissa who suggested I follow the link).
Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!
1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.
2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!
3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!
4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.
5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!
6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.
7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.
8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.
9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!
10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.
And, ALWAYS REMEMBER: if you didn’t ask permission and then respect the answer the first time, you are commiting a crime- no matter how “into it” others appear to be.
I think part of the blaming is to reassure oneself: "I would never do that, so I am not at risk of being raped." But of course you are, so long as we accept, and let that small minority of men believe, they they are not wholly responsible for their own behaviour.
ReplyDeleteSo well put. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant. After thousands of years, I love the novel idea that men be accountable for their actions.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of the response of Indira Gandhi to a string of rapes during her tenure as Prime Minister of India. Her advisers recommended a curfew for women. She replied, "Why? It's not the women who are raping."
ReplyDeletethank you Jen. well said. my "no" meant NO!
ReplyDelete