Monday, February 15, 2010

Public Serve Announcement #37

Feigned Indifference

If you want your children to watch one of your favorite movies1, the worst thing you can do is invite them to watch it with you. This will guarantee groaning, muttered complaints that go on for the duration of the movie, eye rolling, and misery for the entire family.

Instead, if there is something you really want your kids to watch, sneak off to the TV room without a word. Silently close the door behind you. Turn on your movie, and wait.

A variation that works handily is to say before you go into the TV room, "I am going to watch something and I don't want to be interrupted unless you are bleeding from your carotid artery."

This is a time-tested, guaranteed technique to pique their interest.

When they inevitably open the door and pop their heads in, bark, "What? I don't interrupt you when you're trying to watch something!"

"What are you watching?"

"No talking. Come in or go out, but shut the door and be quiet."

They will slip into the room and sit in a chair by the door, and try to make themselves as small as possible so they won't be kicked out.

You're welcome.

[Some restrictions apply.]2

1 Such as Chariots of Fire, Rent, or Wicked.

2Use extreme caution in engaging in these techniques if you are planning to: have sex, watch porn, smoke a cigarette eat some very expensive ice cream or chocolate.


  1. I saw your Buzz about watching Chariots of Fire from the treadmill - I haven't seen that movie since it was in the theaters, so pretty zero recollection now except the epic sound track. I should watch again some day.

  2. I know so many people who find CHARIOTS OF FIRE painfully boring. I never recommend that to anyone, it is a private pleasure.

    FYI - I have been to Charlie Paddock's grave.