I am sad. Actually, sad doesn't really approach it. I have cried more in the past six weeks than I have in a long, long time.
But I have decided that it's okay to admit this, and probably detrimental not to.
I am sad, disappointed to my core, I feel betrayed, and I am really starting to question my judgment. Because if you looked closely at my life-- or if I let you-- you would probably agree that my judgment absolutely sucks.
I have wasted so much time. So much.
I am 40 now. I don't really have the energy or elasticity to bounce back from things like this anymore. I can see cracks in the rubberband, little cracks that no amount of care or lubrication can repair. If I am asked to stretch, if I am asked to reach around or hold anything, I am going to break.
I am not completely sure what that break looks like, but I am pretty sure it feels like this.