At the Foot of the Stairs

I just surprised myself. I was just sitting and thinking about someone who walked past me, swishing her hips, and didn't say hello, and I was thinking negative things about her, and that led to thinking negative things about one of my friends who is doing something I don't think she should be doing, and that led to the negative things I've been thinking about a blogger, for chrissakes, and all of this kind of started when I was thinking about some of the petty politics that will be in place at this wedding I'm going to, which don't involve me, and about which I appear to be the only person thinking. And I just thought, "My G-d! Get a grip!" (Notice that I did not call myself, "Woman!" I would never allow anyone to call me, "Woman," so don't think about it, or you shall have an asskicking.) And I have noticed lately that on many blogs I like: prettypurpleprincess, kazoofus, houseofwinds, thishouseofbone, there has been a trend toward...

I just walked past a dresser in my hallway (don't ask) and saw on its corner a pair of false eyelashes. No idea how they got there. And I just walked right past them, didn't pick them up or put them away. Maybe that's how they got there... I am sure a certain Division Head at a small midwestern university is starting to wonder why, when members of his division are in the hospital, he always ends up talking on the phone with me . Do I know how to pick friends or what? Yes, I was in the bathtub, mud mask on my face, and the phone rang. Someone left a message. I asked Sam who it was. They didn't leave a name. Play it for me again. Couldn't hear it and he couldn't understand it. Get out, towel on, mud mask on, play the message. Where is the phone? Find phone. Call. What is up? I'll meet you at the hospital. The long and short is that treatment was administered, blood drawn, x-rays performed, meds given, everyone went home, but somebody is in for an a...

Why, if you were a teacher, would you just assume that your student's parents remember all the way back to second grade how to do stair stepping for spelling? I had to ask my ten-year-old how to do my freshly-minted eight-year-old's spelling homework.

Here is mine: Home : 1 cookie 1 cup homemade mocha with whole milk 1 cup coffee with whole milk 2 m& m's Work: 2 slices honey mesquite deli turkey (fat free) 2 slices square colby jack cheese handful grapes coffee with powdered creamer water Exercise: 45 minutes elliptical trianer (550 calories) 20 minutes reps with first 12 lb then 10 lb weights. Walked to and from the gym. Walked to get a hair cut. Walked to go to Java Co . Met Christine: One small cup hummus (it was about 4 oz of hummus) carrot and celery slices split a sourdough bagel with Christine 1 single cappucino water Walk to office. Cinnamon gum. On a Totally Unrelated Note On Friday evening, we are all in the car, we have loaded the car with groceries, Christian's birthday presents. It is starting to rain. I have just gotten into the car from the grocery store. Dash and kids have been sitting in the car with the broken air conditioner (yes, it broke again) and Dash turns the key and... nothing happens. Well, ...

Dear Jen, hanks for sharing w/ me your reflections on Jewisj lit. you have been reading. A fence around the Torah must never be 2 tall lest it collapses on Toah. Indeed, one liberal way 2 understand it -- that's the beauty of Torah; 600,000 interpretations 4 ea. verse -- is do put a fence around Torah, don't let it encroach too much beyond its intended scope. Kippah is not a Mitzvah -- relatively a late-@-coming custom. No blessing is recited upon donning it like w/ a talit. Welcome in Israel -- the only problem 'd be in the rare encounters in one's life time w/ the Ort. establishment. Wedding -- that's resolveable by getting married in Cyprus (and if desirable a non-orth. ceremomy 4 religious reasons in Israel afterwards). The state 'd recognize it. Probably in the next few yrs. we may see civil marriages in Israel too. Funerals -- there are alternative cemetaries in Israel to the Orth. (tho state-owned) cemetaries. That's about that in terms of being ...

One of my favorite inside jokes with Tommy since he first began it at the end of July: Tommy: "Mommy, I love you to infinity." Me: "I love you to infinity and beyond." Tommy: "Mommy. That doesn't make any sense."

I just got up. My kids are so wonderful and independent to let me sleep in. Dereck sleeps like a stone on weekdays, but this weekend got up early two days to walk the dog! He lets me sleep on the weekends, wonderful man. I am one big allergy today. Had a nice talk with Barbara last night-- we are going to see Princess Diaries 2 this afternoon. And of course I stayed up too late last night. But I was reading. I started reading The Making of the Modern Jew-- it is a lot easier going having read The Source. And last night Christian was very needy, so Sam and Dereck played the X Box Dereck has been practicing with (I don't fully understand either) and I lay down with Christian and talked to him, explained to him that none of the Jewish things I am doing mean that *he* is Jewish-- he will have to decide what he wants to do when he is 18. And lying there in the dark, he revealed to me his troubles with Shabbat: He gets too hungry waiting there to eat. So, I suggested that we gi...

Hello Rabbi Feintuch, I just wanted to drop you a line! I have started reading The Making of the Modern Jew by Milton Steinberg. It is much easier going having read The Source, and everything has a grounded context for me now. I thought a lot as I was reading about why this would be important to read for someone studying Judaism. Not only did I gain a larger breadth of the history of the Jewish people and a fuller understanding of the Diaspora, but because characters were used, people I became attached to, the full horrors of the Inquisition and the Crusades struck me with a greater force than if I had been reading about them in a history book that depersonalized the violence. But one of the important themes that I find emerging from everything I'm reading, again and again, is the conflict that emerges between groups wishing to preserve the Orthodoxy of the Talmud and those who want some reforms. And I am really torn because I can see both sides very well. For the first time, I...

Becky: It's Christian's birthday tomorrow-- do you have the boys tomorrow? Can you guys come to an arcade party at 2:00? I have been so tired this week that today I'm scrambling to get ready! Sorry for the short notice. Selina: Can you bring Michael? We are also planning to head over to the YMCA for whatever they're doing, at some point (Christian insists the morning). Liza: You know the drill-- and I want to head over to the Y with y'all. Don, you guys are invited too-- Ellie might get a kick out of the arcade, and Christian routinely asks me how Linda is doing. Seriously, skinless chicken. Or just leave the freakin' skin on.

To have the existential crisis du jour. Been working on the conversion blog lately, but I'll be back here before sundown.

Me again. Well, of course. It just took a short walk around the kitchen for more coffee. I can't just think about Jesus as a mythological figure with good ideas because what He was supposed to have done for Us, to have died for our sins, that is huge. And has a lot more to do with salvation and the afterlife than Jews are concerned with. And if Christianity tells me that someone died for my sins and this offers me salvation, that better darn well be LITERALLY true, hadn't it? How can this be metaphorical? I can answer my own question. Christianity (wait for it, this is the Mormon version) seems to propose that *repentance* is a good idea. You can try again and again and again to make things right, clean your soul, and Christ's sacrifice makes this possible. Jews are not so concerned with this. They are very community focused, but hey, they aint' gonna forgive ya seven times seventy (three is about the max)-- and they will never forgive the Nazis. Christians woul...

Hi Tom, Thank you. Well, I suppose my distaste of Christianity does have more to do with Christianity itself in its distasteful forms than Jesus Himself. I suppose that the idea that Christians have created their culture and instilled the law through a personage who could speak with G-d and rise from the dead does have a certain power. It is a really difficult thing for me to come to terms with these things not being literally true. And this is largely due to having been raised Mormon. Mormons take things VERY literally, because they want you to believe that their faith is LITERALLY true. Perhaps that in and of itself explains the emphasis on the literal. I wasn't raised with the same Jesus that you and Liza were. Or the same G-d for that matter. So let's delve into this a little bit: Why is it easier for me to accept G-d then, in all of His metaphorical incarnations, and not Jesus? Well. I don't know. When I hear Buddhists talk of Nirvana, Taoists talk of The Way ...

I have been so wiped our from our trip to Six Flags this weekend that I haven't really been able to write about it. But I found this on Angela's blog today, so I stole it ('cause she went with us and wrote about it better than I could). Yesterday I rode Sha-zam w/ Jen’s son Sam. He knows what he can take and this ride is totally up his alley. We got in and buckled up and as we started swinging to and fro, front to back and side to side I kept slamming into him. It was unavoidable and the nature of the ride. I kept trying to move over but every time I did I’d just slam into him again. Sam must giggled which made me laugh and my laughter made him laugh more. What fun! The water park known as Hurricane Harbor was where we actually started out day. But not for sore feet walking on bare concrete I had a perfect time there. I think of water slides as being pretty tame as things go. So I went up and up and up without reservation to the first slide. It wound around so I thought th...

You can keep them. I have lost six pounds. Since we got back from Minnesota. I go to the gym almost every day. And sweat on that danged elliptical trainer with running buddy Liza (who is there more often and sweats more than I do, by the way, and looks great because of it) from between 45 minutes to an hour and a half at a time. I lift weights. Started at 2 lbs, and can now heave 12 pound weights over my head for ten reps. But does the scale ever cooperate? Noooo. Some of my friends have been bugging encouraging me to cut alcohol out during the week. Now. I like having a Schmirnoff or a Mike's Lemonade for dinner. It's fun. It tastes good. But. I did some reading, and decided they were right. Now I have water or a little gatorade mixed in. I have been doing this for about two weeks. Well, I am floored. Who knew? (Oh, shut up, I know you did). I have been working out steadily since January. I gained twelve pounds (but my clothes still fit). And now I have lost si...

When the woman so generously told me everything my $500 could do for me, and then asked, "Can we count on you for your support?" I said, "No." Just, "No." No explanation. She stammered for a minute and said, "We realize this is a lot to ask. Could we count on you for a lesser amount?" "No. I am a registered Democrat. Goodbye." Click.

My link to Aged and Confused in the sidebar wasn't working, but now it should be.

The owner of a golf course in Kentucky was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Kentucky and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings." You gotta love those Kentucky women! ================ A group of Kentucky friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for theday. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weightof an eight-point buck. "Where's Bubba?" the others asked. "Bubba had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Bubba laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal B...

kkopitske@hotmail.com says:have you read the Tao of Pooh? Jen says:no kkopitske@hotmail.com says:go buy a copy today and read it kkopitske@hotmail.com says:remove the picture frame of religion and seek the heart of pooh Jen says:no. I don't want the heart of pooh. I want God. kkopitske@hotmail.com says:read the fucking book kkopitske@hotmail.com says:ok Jen says:growl kkopitske@hotmail.com says:gerrrrr right back at ya Jen says:okay, I will read it. kkopitske@hotmail.com says:I know plenty of jewish Taoists kkopitske@hotmail.com says:I did my under graduate thesis on Martin Buber Jen says:eastern spirituality has never seemed wholly satisfying to me. kkopitske@hotmail.com says:Taoism and jewish mysticism are cognate Jen says:I have read Lao Tse kkopitske@hotmail.com says:much of Lao Tzu is coded - what seems to be poetic imagry is in fact complicated metaphor that it takes some time to decode kkopitske@hotmail.com says:you like the sucker = community kkopitske@hotmail....

About Martin Buber: RELIGION PHILOSOPHY The foundations of Buber's religion philsophy lie in his Chassidic work and his philosopy of dialogue. The basis of belief is the relation between man and God, the relation to the eternal Thou. In an unparalleled consistent way he accomplishes the anthropological turn-about in theology towards the human being: following the dialogical existence of man, there is no statement about God which does not at the same time state something about man. For Buber, the biblical history of belief of Israel is a living tradition, a dialogical history between God and man: from calling Abraham out of his environment, the covenant at Mount Sinai up to the prophets, a dialogical history which demands anyone who joins it. The basis for all statement about faith is the dialogical relation of trust, not the belief in dogmatic contents, as he views in Christian theology: "One can believe that God is and live in his back, he who trusts him lives in his face....

Liza, What picnic? Am I missing a picnic? The picnic? Oh deary. Maybe Ishould read that bag of papers they gave me now. I liked the wildfire article. Yes, it did fire more synapses. I am feeling a little discouraged about Judaism right now-- mostly because the rabbi is not very encouraging. I know he is not supposed to be, but it's hard. And I do feel that I need to read more about Orthodoxy. The other day during my crisis in which Dereck told me to stop beingso literal, my question was this: If there is no evidence that Moses existed, or any of these people for that matter, then what is the basic difference, Moses or Jesus? Pick one. Dereck says that the story of Moses is a myth, a legend, and the laws gave the Jews a sense of purpose that has kept them together, that has caused the very faith to survive all of these years. So, why not the same with Jesus Christ? Why is it more important to me that I read the story of Jesus and don't believe it, when I read the story of Noah, ...

This is so bizarre. Yesterday, Dereck told me he wanted to tell me about a bizarre phone call he had received. Apparently, Tom Reynolds, as in Congressman Tom Reynods, as in the NRCC Chairman, as in the National Republican Congressional Committee, wanted me to attend a dinner with President Bush. There was a 1-800 number for me to call and the name of an assistant to talk to. Well. This morning I was making a list of things to do, and came across the number I had scrawled on the back of a piece of paper, so I called it. Not only does Tom Reynolds, Chair of the National Republican Congressional Committee want to invite me to the Annual Black Tie President's Dinner in Washington D.C., but he would also like to invite me, as a business leader in my community, to serve as an honorary chairperson on the Business Advocacy Council. As the representative (or a representative from Missouri), I would have the opportunity to meet with Congress at periodic meetings. My name would be inclu...

You may have noticed (or may not have) that I have put up some links to some new blogs that I have been reading. Kazoofus , Prettypurpleprincess , bontasia , and Aged and Confused . I have found them one way or another. And I have to say that Aged and Confused is probably linked by more people who don't know each other than any other blog I've seen. I've found her many times, but I now sneak little peeks all the time, and I just have to give her props. This blog is just one of the most colorful, loud, vibrant, living blogs, which means living pieces of writing I've ever experienced. Going there is like going to a party all the time (at least for me). I love it. I think this woman has some real talent-- she just explodes off the page. Check it out.

I am still tired to the point of ridiculousness, but I just had an experience that just left me astounded. I'm sitting at my kitchen table. Christian is doing ten minutes' worth of spelling homework, and I'm filling out yet one more set of forms for the new school year. The dinner plates are still on the table, remnants of broiled salmon, salad, slices of mango, home cut fries. Christian has a little cup of ice cream melting near him as he berates me for the fact that he has ten minutes' worth of home work. The doorbell rings. In bounds Kaleb in his football uniform, looking just as menacing as we found out this weekend that he is, and his mother. She is holding two socks that he ended up with that don't belong to him, and she is missing a shirt. I say that we will wash it. He threw up on it on the way to the bar mitzvah. She said, "Yes, he told me about that. He never gets carsick!" I was led to believe that this was a regular occurance, which oc...

I have, at times, been bowled over, or reluctant to have discomfort, and so have not been the advocate for my children that I could have. Case in point: when Sam was in third grade, he told me about two girls bullying him, but because I was busy and didn't really take it seriously, I didn't contact the teacher or talk to the principal until the school year was nearly over and these girls had already done a real number on his self-esteem. They made a quiet point of making mean comments very quietly, treating him like he had cooties, and just generally singling him out for ridicule. I have become aware that we don't really have a vocabulary in this country for the kind of damage that mean looks can inflict: smirks, crossed-eyes, giggles, the raised eyebrow, etc. These things are not very concrete. And if adults have a hard time articulating their effect, imagine the difficulty for children. Sam spent most of last year reconstructing his sense of self. Yesterday when we went t...

I'm still here! My absence can be explained by something as simple, something so small and yet so large, as exhaustion. We were gone all weekend, extremely active, falling into bed every night, only to be more active the next day. I will write about it as soon as my brain becomes unaddled. Yesterday was non-stop go and life has been weirdly interesting in many many ways, too private to blog about here, but I've just been kind of walking around with my mouth open in surprise and interest. Last night after getting kids in bed early for the first day of school, I just let myself pass out next to Christian, until Dash came to rescue me shortly before midnight, where I passed out again in me own bed. It isn't even 7:00 a.m. I haven't been up so early in any kind of permanent, can't go back to bed way for months. Sigh. By something I can only describe as a miracle, when I went to look for nice-ish clean clothes for the boys to wear this morning, I found some within ...

This morning, I was snooping through my sitemeter (oh, yes, I know you are reading, and I know who you are), and found this : "Stolen from Jen , who I recently discovered and simply adore." Made my whole day, Bonnie! Thank you!

Here are our weekend plans: Friday after we go meet the teachers and drop off school supplies (purchased yesterday-- they wanted new backpacks too, to which I emphatically said NO), we will head down to Columbia to a hotel with a pool. With Kaleb in tow. We will hang out at the pool, the bookstore at the mall, etc. Saturday a.m., we will go to Shabbat services (and I need to make sure that is okay with Kaleb's parents). Then, we will head down to St. Louis, where we will stay in another hotel (this is the equivalent of our big family vacation this summer, the last hurrah). Saturday night down on the river front, BB King is playing a free concert. There will be food, picnicking, music and fireworks. We will hang out with our St. Louis friends there. Sunday: The real purpose of this whole enterprise. Six Flags, with the children and also various St. Louis friends. The Water park. The rides! The funnel cake and excitement! Exhausted, we will return Sunday evening, collapse...

that I love pie . On a recent post, she used the phrase, "Fanny about." I think I shall have to incorporate it into daily use. And now I should stop fannying about and actually get to being somewhat useful.

I am thinking maybe out of respect for Sarahspace , I should delete that little rant about Florida... What say you?

Woe is me. I have to travel for work in October. To Florida. Which I haven't exactly been looking forward to. I've never been to Florida, and I've never wanted to go to Florida. But I like this organization, this is a good conference, and I want to go to Quebec City for next year's conference. So, I decided that I would have to suffer through Orlando this year. And today I made my travel arrangements. Now, I have mentioned awhile back that I am a spoiled brat. And that I don't stay at cheap hotels. At least, not if there are other hotels in the same vicinity. For the first time I saw that I will have to stay here . You can imagine my dismay when I found out that my accomodations will look like this: and this... and this... and I'll have to stay in a room like this: and swim in a pool like this: At least someone else is paying for it, so I don't have to.

APRIL : Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see. I have to say, April was pretty much right on the money. To get to the list, click on APRIL.

For me to wear to a wedding in a few weeks? Choice A Choice B C: What's the difference? D: Neither. Keep looking.

Editorial note: This is not my rant. My dad sent me this as one of many in a series of email lists/jokes he sends me every day. I just thought this one was worth posting. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy madewar on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with Chinaand Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans...

You'd turn into a War Horse. Strong, brave and loyal like a war horse you are protective of family and friends and generally polite and freindly to people you dont know or just met. However your attitude can change quickly if your family or friends are threatened in anyway and you quickly fight it off. However because of your protective attitude you can oftern find yourself getting angry and interfering if you see anyone being threatened and cant defend themselves. What animal would you turn into? brought to you by Quizilla

I got this from Philip's blog this morning, and I felt that it was necessary to post it here. A Zen Moment Please grant me the anxiety to try to control the things I cannot control, the fear to avoid the things I can, and the neurosis to deny the difference. Oh my. You can tell it's one of those days. I actually got it this afternoon . That is what happens when you wake up in the afternoon on Sundays-- it pretty much feels like morning until time for supper, and then suddenly your day is gone. Last night we stayed up until 2:00 a.m., first watching Kill Bill 2 , and then watching What A Girl Wants . Either Dereck really loves me, or he was somehow smitten with Amanda Bynes, because after threatening twice to go to bed, he came back both times and watched the entirety of What a Girl Wants with me . I will say, for the record, that I watched it only for Colin Firth. Isn't he lovely? And who doesn't love Rufus Wainwright, speaking of things divine. This morning, I was c...

Karl so nicely posted these pictures on his blog for me-- these are of the night Dereck and I met at Karl's party. Needless to say, it was a big shock to see them on his blog! Can you guess which one I am? Hint: I am female.

Dereck is clean-shaven, and it's freaking me out! I feel like I am living with someone else, and worse, when I hold hands with him, I feel like I'm cheating on my boyfriend! Last time he shaved (two years ago), it wasn't too weird at all, but this time, it's a little weird. That reminded me today that he did something very funny and out of character (for him) in Minnesota. One night I'm in the cabin and I hear him loudly proclaiming from outside, "Men can do this and women can't! It's impossible for women to do this! Only men can do it!" Now. Dereck is a feminist kind of guy. It is extraordinary that he would ever make such a claim, but there he was, crowing with glee. I looked outside to see what it was that women could never do, and he was peeing into the fire.

600-Pound Woman Dies After Being Surgically Removed From Couch POSTED: 3:48 pm EDT August 11, 2004 UPDATED: 10:09 pm EDT August 11, 2004 WEIRD PHOTOS: News Of The Strange Slideshow STUART, Fla. -- A dramatic rescue ended tragically in Stuart, Florida, a rescue so difficult firefighters say they have never seen anything like it. Not weird enough? Read more strange news. LOOK! Strange News Photos Sign Up To Receive Our Daily News Of The Strange Email It happened late Tuesday night and early Wednesday morning at the home of a 600-pound woman who was having trouble breathing. Rescuers went in not knowing how difficult it would be to get her out. 40-year-old Gail Grinds was literally stuck to her couch and had to be removed surgically at the hospital. Authorities estimate she had been on the couch anywhere from two to five years.Martin County Fire amd Rescue crews faced what seemed to be an impossible mission. Every...

Minnesota Dreamin' Look, Ma! No hands!

The woman who stole our kayak. Look, Ma! No hands!

Bella Minnesota Look, Ma! No hands!

There's a minivan on my ass! Look, Ma! No hands!

I was thinking, while out in the Minnesota woods this week, of another reason I want to convert officially, and it hadn't struck me before. If anything were to happen to me, there wouldn't be a rabbi to attend to me, I wouldn't have Jewish services, wouldn't be buried in a Jewish cemetery, and nobody would sit shul for me. And that started to worry me. Always in the hospital, I've chosen "No religious affiliation," but now it is important for me to have one.

We are back, and I miss it already. It is amazing how you start out thinking, "Oh, no electricity, an outhouse, how rustric, how roughing it," and it's actually not. The scenery is not unlike that of Colorado up in the Rockies-- lots of pine trees and aspens everywhere. I did buy a solar shower at Cabela's, but never used it. We enjoyed going to the pool. I took a total of two showers the whole time I was gone. Tee hee! It's amazing how personal hygiene takes a backseat-- hand-washing, teeth-brushing, face washing. I felt it though when I started to get acne like crazy. The first night, before we got out the bug spray, we kept making jokes as we unpacked the car: "You'd think SOMEBODY could have told us about the fucking mosquitoes!" And we thought that was very funny. I now not only have hiking boots, but a pair of Teva sandals-- after wearing Dereck's constantly, I bought a pair for myself today at the Mall of America. The Mall of Americ...