Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Here is the Actual Truth

I took the quiz honestly this time and here are my results:

I am not an asshole or a bitch, more like an asshole and bitch target. I have no backbone, and fold at even a slightly insincere look. I need to stop crying, I am such a wuss.

And yes, Karl, I did answer that one question honestly, and these were still the results.

So, for all of you who thought that I actually was a bitch.... Waaaaaahhhhh!!!

I need to stop crying, I am such a wuss.

Tonight when I was putting Sam to bed, he asked if he could talk to me, and he talked to me about this little group of boys he is on the fringe of, and the one boy who appears to hate him. And he said he knows he is really annoying around this boy, but he can't seem to help himself. He just feels nervous because he doesn't know why the boy hates him.

I tried to explain about vicious cycles and living down to peoples' low expectations of you: if someone generally has a low opinion of me, I will certainly measure up to that. The corrollary is also true: If someone thinks highly of me, I am generally inspired to do better.

So, I explained that maybe it was time for him to try to make new friends, friends who have no expectations of him, so he can simply be himself, rather than always remaining on the outside of his group.

And I explained that he is gifted and special. He said he doesn't have anyone he can really talk to about his interests and I said, "Honey? That is because most people do not really have any interests. " And sadly enough, I find that to be true of the majority of people I come into contact with, and they find me really odd. That used to be a slight, but now it is a compliment, indeed.

Don't get me wrong-- other people's opinions of me probably carry far more weight with me than they should.

But I am starting to learn how to let go of that and listen to myself.

I'm 35, Sam-- you have 24 years to go.

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